Surviving the Loss of Your BFF (Best Furry Friend)

Walking alongside our beloved furry friends through their final season of life is one of the hardest things we do. You want to treasure every moment of every day with them, while wondering if tomorrow, or next week, is the day your whole world stops.

I’ve been down that path myself, with friends, and with clients. I know how it goes…. It sucks. Big time. Your life is never the same. You are never the same. And yet, somehow, you survive. 

Our most recent loss was Jake. We helped him across the Rainbow Bridge when his rear legs were too weak to carry his 80 pound body. 

Maybe you met Jake. He was, among many things, my teaching assistant. He’s in most of my demo videos, especially the ones about aging. We did our Wakey Wakey Jakey routine daily, waking up his stiff muscles after he’d been sleeping. We created a video and posted it on YouTube. It has nearly 4000 views. (Have an aging pet? Check out the video here.)   

Jake became my best teacher for self-selecting essential oils (he was very particular about his essential oil choices.). And, he taught me how we could use self-medication to relieve his pain and restlessness, even at 2 a.m. 

However, anticipating saying goodbye to Jake, I found myself  struggling with how to help my 21-year-old son, Colin, prepare for saying goodbye to Jake. You see, Colin was 7 when we foster-failed Jake. And Jake became Colin’s emotional support dog, helping Colin deal with anxiety and unexpected life events. Together for 14 years, Colin barely has memories that don’t include Jake.

If you’ve had a furry friend that was there with you through life’s ups and downs, then you know what Colin was facing. Looking for advice, I reached out to my email community. I received so many wise words of wisdom that I put some of them together to share here.

These suggestions are easy, yet things we tend to forget when we’re scared, stressed, or overwhelmed…

Things to do while your beloved pet is still with you ...

• “The best advice I can give him is to spend as much time as possible with Jake, being sure to let him know you love him and how much he has helped him get through difficult times in life.”   - Jana
• “Do something, anything every day with Jake. Take pictures to treasure later on. Hug Jake every day and tell him you love him.”    - Penny M
• Create a memory book (while they’re still here). - Penny H.
• “If you have time before, have a farewell “party” in their honor.” - Cathay K  (My friend did this and her dog had the biggest smile as he posed for photos.) 
• “Simply sit with them silently for awhile… perhaps touching them or stroking them and sharing energy (in my case, practicing Reiki)” - Inge
• Watch your words… Colin expected losing Jake to “break him”.  Mary Lou commented, “I would encourage Colin not to say that anything will "break" him.” You will survive.
• Ask what can I do right now at this moment that I can bring you joy and happiness?”  - Deb B
• “Just BE there!  Be there with your love, and your strength … Not trying to change, fix, or do anything, but to BE there. - Nancy 

For the Spirit…

• Energy transmutes, so Jake will remain energetically even though his physical body has retired.” - Tami F.  (We definitely experienced this with Jake’s passing. In fact, we still feel him strongly.)
• Our “soul lives forever… it’s never the end, we can still talk to our dogs, share our feelings and emotions with them and trust that they are watching over us.” - Julia P
• “I knew for sure that as a part of me left with him, a part of him stayed with me, and it will always be so.”  - Alma
• “Holding their paw. Sending your loving energy to them will support their passing. They will be able to pass knowing love” - Chew Yin.
• Animal communication - Maureen.  (This can really help clarify when “it’s time”)
• “You can talk about the experience of loss of one of our dearest companion pets but there is a loss of words that can describe the essence of it.  It can be found in our breath, that sigh that releases the tension…” - Deborah VB 
• Animals may be reluctant to go ahead and transition because they’re so concerned about their very sad humans...it's so hard, but we need to let our animal friends know we are going to be OK when they leave, and that they should feel free to do so…” -  Ellen Z

After they’re gone…

• From hospice nurse, Kari…. Self-care for the grief journey:
  • Eating comforting & nutritious foods
  • Drink plenty of fluids
  • Take some walks
  • Expect a wide range of emotions
  • Cry, talk or write to express your feelings 
  • Seek help & support from others
  • Stick to a routine
  • Pace yourself & rest often
  • Create soothing bedtime rituals
  • Do some activities you enjoy
  • Visit your doctor for a check up
  • Trust in a higher power to guide you
• Have jewelry made that incorporates their ashes - Sam
• Make a ‘dog tag,’ possibly saying Jake, Forever in my heart. - Cathy
• Write a poem - Julia (She wrote one for each of her animals that passed. It helped her cope with loss.)
• Find a local Pet Loss Support Group or visit one online, like RainbowBridge.com or PetLoss.com. (They have a weekly candle-lighting ceremony in memory of pets that's just lovely!)
• To ease your grief, and any furry friends also missing their freind, try Bach flower essences Rescue Remedy, Ignatia homeopathic remedy, or add neroli hydrosol to your water.

For your mind... 

Carol J recommends these children books (good for adults too) I Know You're Here by Kari Vick, and The 10th Good thing About Barney by Judith Viorst 

MK recommends the book Peace in Passing by Maribeth Decker

Maureen suggests the book Transitions: Pet Massage and Energy Work for the Aging Dog

Julia recommends the TedTalk The Rainbow Bridge, by animal communicator Joan Ranquet  (it's excellent)

It's my hope that whether you are in that final season, or surviving the loss of your beloved animal friend, you find and receive the support you need.  I believe no one should have to go through this time alone.  If you find yourself alone, or needing more support, please reach out to me. I'd be honored to walk alongside you during this time.